FEAR

We have heard all kind of pregnancy stories where we absolutely know that its a most beautiful kind of journey – of getting to see a new life develop inside you all miraculously .. and yes the stories are most certainly very much true..
But i want to talk about another emotion that comes with it all…
Fear..

I dont know how common it is in mothers-to-be or mothers..
But i experienced it in waves throughout my 9 months journey and it continues till date postpartum .

It started with the thought of conceiving in 30s (even though i had barely touched 30 when i conceived)-
is my body healthy enough, will my body be able to give best of what is needed for my baby’s growth…

Then another bought of fear came when i caught cold and fever in my first trimester- everybody around me went like, you cant take medicines, well you shouldnt fall ill in first place, first trimester is so critical. And even though i took all precautions to stay healthy, i had fallen ill… i cried in panic..

Then one day i felt overwhelmingly happy that i wanted to share the news with whole world- but then my inner-self went like – naii, lets not announce already ..najar lagegi kya?! (and this happened again when i delivered – only this time i decided to trust the positivity in people, the good vibes friends and family send consciously and unconsciously when they hear such news)

I cried with fear when i had to go for sonography more than what i thought was usual and cried thinking if this is affecting my baby…

Also google scared the **** out of me if i tried to check any new changes in me with respect to pregnancy (i know absolutely wrong place to check about any health related queries.. but then there are so many changes constantly happening in you that you end up asking google before you ask anyone else.. where you should be asking absolutely anyone but google)

And then came days when even the most random or common symptom of pregnancy scared me…
Did i bend too much today, when i am only supposed to squat? – will it hurt the baby..

5months of pregnancy and i still cant feel baby movements- is everything fine with me.

My baby is in breech position (second trimester) – is it healthy for baby

My baby is kicking way too much (third trimester) – is it fine.

Why am I getting no labour pains when i am at end of my 40weeks..

And then there were some legit fears that came with certain medical reports of mine, but all of them eventually disappeared with good care and suggestion from doctor and mother dear, constant positive reassurance from family and relentless support and patience of Pati-Dev.

So yes, there came days of self doubt, anger, confusion, anxiety and a never experienced earlier kind of fear..
but with all that said, i would do it all over again.. because i have seen nothing more beautiful than these journey and i have spent dayssss enjoying the happiness that came with it and continuing to do so till date…

P.S. Any of you ever go through the worrisome days as such, just know that, I am just a DM away..
We can always talk mommies…